Posted 8:39 PM by Andy
“When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future.” Ecclesiastes 7:14.

The last couple months I have endured a constant cogitation about my life, playing scenarios in my head at all hours of the day. My life been marked recently by exploration and discovery, but some questions remain unanswered. I’ve found myself in some surreal situations but I always strive to look beyond these events to seek the Truth.

“I thought in my heart, “Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good.” Ecclesiastes 2:1.

Drinking. Alcohol definitely is a social lubricant. It lightens the atmosphere and relaxes the mood. My tolerance is surprisingly good for my body weight and lack of training in this arena. One night I drank from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m. and stumbled home buzzed for the first time in my life. Now I can drink 3 beers without feeling much of an effect. Most of the time I’m talking to Allen C and his friends. Some of those late night conversations got really personal. He is technically an orphan now, having lost his father to cancer a few years ago. How would you feel if you wake up one day and see the new man your mom is dating in the morning at your house with his car outside and his shoes by the door? Wow. Although he doesn’t bang any more, many of the guys that he brought up still come out drinking with him. Now his new mantra is “work hard, play hard.” There is J, a guy who was incarcerated as a teen for a shooting at AMC Torrance. He told me how jail was as a juvenile. Between endless fights, he read a couple hundred books. There is CC, who was charged on extortion, expelled from UCI, ended up at El Camino Community College, transferred to USC, and now is starting a record store. There is B, who used to deal marijuana, now working in corporate banking at Wells Fargo. There is M, whose head was chopped by a local gang in China and still shows a scar down the middle of his forehead. There are numerous guys who are barely out of their teens who used to roll with him and held down LA for a few years. Now Allen advises them to build their business networks and vote for him when he runs for governor during the next recall election. In his warped way, he acknowledges God and invites some of his boys to church. I’ve come to see him as a very influential man who preaches loyalty and his brand of vigilante justice.

Gambling. I’m fascinated by the strategy behind games of asymmetric or incomplete information. Since poker and blackjack are the only two casino games that can be beat by skill, I devoted some time to study these subjects. After a couple initial forays in hold-‘em against wizened veterans, I decided to focus on blackjack and leave poker playing to sessions among friends. After becoming comfortable with a counting system, I promptly lost a few C-notes at the local casino. Investigating the theory behind the game more closely, I realized the importance of bet spreading, i.e. make small bets when the count is even or negative, and huge bets when the count is sufficiently positive. The next matter of business was to find venues where good games are offered in terms of decks dealt/penetration and betting limits. I’ve become comfortable with the $2 to $10 game at Hollywood Park. I’ve also settled on a $5 to $20 bet spread. That way I feel like I’m playing for some stake but also narrow my fluctuations from bad luck. I’m now adept at counting at casino speed, although the side count of aces haven’t been introduced into my repertoire. I’ve been able to double a $60 buy-in with a good-running shoe, but overall I’m still in the red. I devoured dozens of books on strategy and history of these games, including the classic The Best Game in Town, Positively Fifth Street, and the literary treatment by Dostoeyevsky The Gambler. My favorite new show of on network television is of course Las Vegas. An interesting side note is Dostoeyevsky, despite his posthumous acclaim, was impoverished throughout his life and an inveterate gambler, with roulette as his addiction.

Clubbing. I went to a couple of clubs during the Sunday before Labor Day with Eli in SoMa SF. I visited the notorious Garden of Eden in LA last Friday with John. This is a complete racket. You wait for an hour or more or curry favor with the bouncers before the ropes open. You pay $20 cover to gain admission to the venue. You pay for drinks starting at $5 a pop. Maybe you go into the mosh pit and carve a seam to move your body to the blasting music. You see other guys either grinding on girls or being rejected. Then you go home after a little while. If you want company, I doubt this is the best place to find it. If you want to dance, I suppose it’s one way of getting your groove on. After an uneventful night at Garden, we went to Tommy Burgers at 2 a.m. Then things became interesting when three of us Christians tag-teamed in evangelizing a friend Herb. Victor, armed with a masters degree in apologetics and theology from Talbot, addressed his questions of the presence of evil and suffering in the world, and presented the credibility of the scriptures. It came down to if Herb believed the evidence is credible, then he would believe the claims of Christ. One thing Victor stated that I agree with wholeheartedly is that to be a disciple of Christ requires commitment based on truth, not blind faith based on solely feelings.

Outings. To break up the monotony of job hunting and indulging my vices, I ventured out a few times. I saw Underworld with Donny visiting from SF at Grauman’s Chinese Theater at Hollywood and Vine. I went swing dancing with Joanne at Elks Lodge in Marina Del Rey. Met up with Liz Y for lunch and discovered she started law school part-time. I realized a few things from these encounters: sightseeing is cool with out-of-town visitors, I suck at dancing and definitely need to take classes to improve, and there are some people that are highly motivated.

Unique individuals. JP Moreland. I met the famous apologetics professor and Christian advocate when he spoke at Bread of Life during fall conference. I asked him what I should read to better understand the logical foundations for the Christian faith. He referred me to a thick tome on philosophy and logic and recommended the journal First Things. Pastor Paul S. This Korean pastor is passionate, to say the least. He spoke last night for missions conference. He challenged us with the lordship of Christ over our lives. He related a story of when he was in Tijuana once and was approached by a cute mujer (woman). The exchange went something like this, “Are you by yourself?” “Yes.” “Do you want company?” “No.” “Are you alone.” “No.” “But are you by yourself?” “Yes. I’m by myself but I’m not alone.” At this point, he pulled out a Bible and dropped some knowledge on the chica. You guessed it, Jesus was with him and there is no way he can exchange his love of Christ for pleasures of the flesh. He was so filled with the Holy Spirit at one time during his message that he barely allowed the translator to interpret for him as wisdom gushed out of him baretta-style. The one thing he pounded into me was this sanity check whenever I face temptation: is it worth my relationship with Christ to satisfy my desire for this (fill in the blank)?

Paul. This is a mentally slow brother with poor English language skills and exhibits social awkwardness. Due to my sister’s friendliness years ago, he now approaches me whenever I visit Bread of Life. Last night he posed the question, “Do you and I make friend?” I surmised his meaning but asked him anyway, “What do you mean?” He repeated the question and explained since he doesn’t really know me, he likes to be my friend.” I don’t know what’s more sad, the fact that he has to ask someone for permission to strike a friendship or that I had reservations about my answer.

Business School apps. A couple weeks ago I started writing essays again to target business schools in the first and second rounds this year. The proverbial cost-benefit analysis applies starting with the exorbitant application fees, ranging from $125 to $200. But like the lottery, I view it as buying an opportunity to create a future. Just like my Syracuse IR program or my Hopkins finance program, I like options. To that end and knowing how competitive admissions is, I visited UCSD last Friday to scrutinize the masters in Pacific International Affairs program, which combines international politics, business, language studies, and regional studies. I love the scenery, both physical and human in this pristine town.

Journey. Newsong is trying to form new small groups out of a series studying Genesis and God’s plan for mankind. I’ve realized how difficult it is to find community, especially since the Torrance or South Bay group has an inconsistent membership of about five. Two weeks ago three people showed up including myself. Last week two did. At least I met Gene, a medical resident who is also an amateur surfer. I hope to go out and catch some good waves this weekend.

Ball. I’ve played at Wilson Park in Torrance for a few times on Saturday afternoons to get some more runs besides my Sunday afternoon runs with the church boys. The games are more varied in quality, with some really competitive and testy games, and some really horrible games. Yesterday I didn’t play well, but we were up 13-10 in a game to 14 when my boy John started launching a few ill-advised shots. Predictably, we lost. I was livid but held my tongue. Afterwards John asked nonchalantly, “How did we lose?” I started to glower at him but turned away because I didn’t want to destroy him with my criticism. I don’t mind the occasional loss after a hard-fought game, but to throw away the game because of a lack of discipline is unconscionable.

On the Shelf. Notes From the Underground by Dostoeyevsky, a treatise on self-loathing from the narrative perspective of a man who feels like an outcast from society. The Impressionist, a novel about an English prince who loses his privileged position with the discovery of his illegitimate birth and embarks on a life of continual reinvention to survive. Madam Secretary, Madeleine Albright’s autobiography, dealing with her ascent from a small city in Czechoslovakia to the White House, with personal pains spliced in with thoughts on foreign policy.

Pending move? I’m hoping to move to SF again soon whenever Mike T comes back from his vacation. This brother is willing to host me for a while. We are also discussing partnership possibilities in his tutoring business. Perhaps I’ll be back in the 415 by November.