Posted 11:05 PM by Andy
Defiance. You can call it being unflinching in your convictions. You can call it being stubborn. Whatever label you choose, I definitely harbor an ample supply of this characteristic in reserve. When I was six, I distinctly remember giving my first grade teacher a maddog stare and holding my gaze as she delivered blows with a ruler to the back of the hand for some minor classroom infraction. Another time I was walking the down Market Street in SF one day in college by myself, sporting a gold cross necklace, when four guys approached and started harassing me. They pushed me down to the ground and tried to forcibly snatch the necklace from my neck. I was about to rumble when God saved me from a nasty altercation when the punks walked away. In basketball games, guys try to post me up all the time since I usually give up 50 pounds in size and 6 inches in height. Some of them would get upset when I would D them up and either block their shots or foul them and eventually force them outside. It’s how street names arise, birthed from a reputation based on your character. During my career, if a manager yells at me for no apparent reason, I would sit there with ice in my veins and make him or her look like a fool by not responding.

Beyond all this, my most difficult challenge is dealing with my mom. If I don’t care at all about her, if there is no love lost when we battle each other, then it wouldn’t matter. But she comes at me with ludicrous demands in my eyes sometimes. The biggest points of contention are curfew and my choice of friends. Back in the day when I would lock down the valedictorian spot in high school and compete for most Advanced Placement tests taken ever, she would yell and mete out beatings for missing piano practice or going out without telling her. When I was weaker I would run out the backyard and jump the fence to avoid the steel rod of the feather duster that she wielded as a weapon of choice. When I became stronger, I just held her down so she couldn’t strike. Tonight we traversed the same old territory. I came home late last night after hanging out with some friends in a bar. She was so concerned about my safety it was ridiculous. I am 27, have lived in the world for a decade on my own, and now receive this treatment when I’m back home? I have expressed to her repeatedly I will never do anything to betray my beliefs no matter who I am with. It is a trust and character issue. I could be in church and be cursing God in my heart. I could be in a bar and be singing His praises. It is utter naivete to equate one location with goodness and the other with evil. Frustration is mounting and I am amped. I listen to her because I respect her, but she has to give me the freedom to be myself and keep my own social schedule. When I think about this, it is almost a joke how strict she is. If there is a poster that sums up how I feel, it is the one with a lone man protesting the Tianenmen Square crackdown by facing off against the tanks.

Kobe. It seems like 99 percent of the people I talk to defend Kobe for his tryst in Colorado. This is a classic case of a golden boy’s image torn to shreds by his behavior. Sure he is beloved by millions of adoring fans. Sure he has a polished and charismatic presence. I don’t want to condemn a man for a crime that has yet to be proven of rape, but the moment the thought was conceived, he has already crossed the line into adultery. It is so ironic that when Jimmy Carter confessed harboring lust in his heart, many of his political colleagues and citizen peers excoriated him, but when Kobe is caught in an uncompromising situation with negative circumstantial evidence, he is coddled like an untouchable. If I were his friend, the situation would be more complex because there is the human element of acknowledging that all of us are capable of such acts and the desire to act out of compassion, but come on, call a spade a spade. This is also a good litmus test for where a person stands on sexual lifestyle. The “players” among my friends say as long as it’s consensual, Kobe should get any girl he wants. They lambast the girl for being the seductress. The most common response is sadness. I am sad and disappointed, but not surprised. When one former king David can commit murder for a forbidden encounter with Bathesheba, a modern king of society and sports icon can very easily yield to his baser instincts for a hotel worker.