Posted 9:18 PM by Andy
I’ve had some time to assess my semester at Syracuse, and with hindsight, some of the lessons learned were bought at a high price and mistakes made seem even more glaring than at first glance. Without going through the experience, however, I would not have known these things so I still would have made the same choice at that juncture if I were to do it all over again.

Physical Environment. Syracuse welcomed me with the harshest winter in a decade in the area. The snow storms didn’t subside until late April, punctured by a few days of great weather. It seemed as if nature was teasing us with the promise of spring before reverting back to form. I have never felt so miserable in my life walking around on campus when every step invited an assault to the senses. Coupled with the extreme suburban landscape, I was driven almost to madness by the recreational deprivation and barren surroundings. It is a sad state of affairs when the local mall is the main attraction within a hundred mile radius.

Intellectual Climate. In general, I was unimpressed with my peers. There are a few exceptions of articulate and informed individuals, but the run of the mill of the student body was uninspiring. In my economics class, one time my professor spent five minutes explaining solving two equations with two variables at a classmate’s request. This is algebra terrain. In another session, he introduced the Nash equilibrium. The concept is revolutionary and won John Nash a Nobel Prize, but the model is extremely easy and can be illustrated with a two by two matrix in 20 seconds at most. The class puzzled over this new idea for five minutes, as I sat incredulously admiring the professor’s patience. I had thought graduate school would be challenging, and granted there were some thought provoking ideas presented, but overall the coursework severely lacked rigor in my opinion. Many of my classmates are international students which represent diversity, but when I looked beyond the circumstantial evidence of their origin and background, I wasn’t particularly stimulated by their ideas.

Spiritual Condition. This is the most devastating part of my experience. There are churches here and I attended an Alliance church. However, there is a difference between church as an institution and community. I never found the accountability and spiritual nourishment that I craved. I can’t blame the environment entirely because my relationship with God is my own responsibility primarily, but it’s disheartening to see so few young adults in the area that seek fellowship. Mirroring the dreary weather outside, my heart was slowly but steadily losing its ardor for Christ, becoming at times completely callous towards Him. Hosea casts a stark indictment when the disciple is called a whore because his heart is far from his true love. Numerous times I felt the tug towards the precipice of skepticism and doubt and didn’t care to resist the pull. I wanted to defy God and see what the consequences were. Of course I suffered for these thoughts and the actions that alienate me from my God, but rebellion is such that once He is dethroned, anything is possible. I would read emails from friends overseas trying to proclaim Christ through evangelism outreaches and chuckle at their naivete. I never quite jumped into the chasm of unbelief and renounce my faith, but I came close.

End of an experiment. I wanted to conduct an experiment on myself and observe the results. The parameters are: go to a place you have never been where you know virtually nobody, study a subject completely different from your previous training, and try to survive. I tested my endurance on multiple fronts and found my limits. I cannot stand inclement weather. I detest intellectual softness. I need spiritual support. Through the three months I was there, I sensed my own transformation as almost every idealistic fiber in my being became cynical. My previously largely untainted and noble outlook on public service has been destroyed. Corruption is rife in every organization, the highest office in the land not exempted. Harboring dreams of working for the World Bank and IMF a few months ago, now my new mantras are for abolishing these groups. At every turn there is opportunity for personal profiteering, especially so on efforts aimed at humanitarian purposes. I know because I sense the same susceptibility in my own heart to siphon off assets targeted for the poor if I were placed in the same position with no rule of law and black markets thriving around me in a war-ravaged country. For all of these reasons of my physical torment, social isolation, and spiritual decimation, I am withdrawing from Syracuse and my program. Another equally significant factor in this decision is the questionable value of my education. Some of the theories I was taught were completely hokum in my opinion. For example, there is feminism and there is international relations as separate movements and fields of inquiry. Cross-fertilize them and what do you get? Voila, feminist IR. Proponents of this branch of international relations claim most policy pieces produced by the establishment discriminate against women, so they have produced their own approaches to discourse analysis that are more inclusive. I am dismayed that I’ve spent thousands of dollars to listen to this junk. Notwithstanding the bleak picture I draw, I believe there are people of integrity in government and development activities that benefit the poor in the long-term are possible, but I now have a strong antagonism towards joining the bureaucracy.

Books. One good thing about being in a socially desolate place with an easy course load is having time to read. Letters to a Young Conservative is Dinesh d’ Souza’s defense of the conservative dogma. It’s highly entertaining in its scathing critiques of the liberal canon. Slander by Ann Coulter is an even more incisive offensive against the liberal bulwark that pervades media and higher education. Dinner Club is the account of a group of uber-investors who gather monthly to discuss business ideas in the Washington DC area. Among them were guys like Mike Morino, the father of venture philanthropy in the Capitol Hill region, and Mike Saylor, CEO of Microstrategy, who lost billions as his company took a dive with the disclosure of accounting irregularities, and Mark Warner, the governor of Virginia. Fascinating account of the way business leaders would shred aspiring entrepreneurs and support each other to reach greater heights in an informal dinner circle. A Beautiful Mind is the biography of John Nash. Tale of a brilliant economist who went insane, then forty years later, recovered and won a Nobel Prize for a game theoretic idea he proposed at the age of 30. Great story with lots of anecdotes about his interactions with contemporaries like Einstein. Genius is the biography of Richard Feynman, the most influential physicist since Einstein. Fascinating account of the man and his ability to visualize answers to the universe’s deepest conundrums. Anecdotes include how he would refuse to read previous work by others but try to reason from first principles. He relied on nothing but his own mind, which often led to dead-ends and discoveries that have already been found. It also led to revolutionary ideas that expanded current understanding of the mechanics of our world. Feynman was an avowed atheist who was known for his womanizing and safe-cracking skills, a sharp counterpoint to the God-fearing Isaac Newton. Adventure Capitalist is the chronicle of the continuous 3-year-journey around the world of Jim Rogers, a former hedge-fund manager who retired at 37 and now travels the globe for fun and investment ideas. Starting from Iceland, he sets out in a Mercedes convertible and drives across multiple countries and continents. Along the way he encounters wars in Africa, entrepreneurs in China, the deserts of Siberia, and an assortment of conmen. He also marries his girlfriend midway through the trip in London. Nice way to live if you have the lucre and the chutzpah. Moneyball is Michael Lewis’ (author of Liar’s Poker, New New Thing) insider’s perspective on Major League Baseball seen through a general manager’s eyes. An entertaining ride as Lewis answers the question, “How can the Oakland A’s, a team with one of the lowest payrolls in the league be the second most successful team over the last few years?” Personalities are vividly portrayed from Billy Beane, the revolutionary GM, to dozens of baseball players past and present as well as the enthusiasts who started the fantasy baseball phenomenon. Applying statistical analysis, Beane and his Harvard-educated number-crunching deputy systematically assembled a team of disfavored players that repeatedly outperformed the competition. This is a tale about insiders and their traditional faith in intuition in scouting players versus Beane’s new approach based on data. The heresy is spreading to the Red Sox as its GM Theo Epstein, an outsider, seeks to replicate Oakland’s formula and success. Can Man Live Without God? is Ravi Zacharias’ defense of the infallibility of the Christian faith. He first highlights the fallacies of atheism and then presents the person of Jesus Christ as the One that satisfies humanity’s pursuit of wonder, knowledge of truth, and the search for love. He debunks alternative philosophies like Nietzsche’s nihilism and Sartre’s existentialism. He delineates the descent into madness engendered by the likes of Descartes, Hume, Kant, Kierkegaard, and Bertrand Russell. An excellent exposition of the absolute veracity of Christ and His claims.

Syracuse folks. I would be remiss to dismiss the last few months as an aberration not only because of the lessons received but also because of a few people that showed me love. Wai L is like a little brother with his enthusiasm and willingness to chauffeur me around. Karlai L is Wai’s older sister that radiated a simple joy and a sincere faith. I enjoyed hanging out with them and their family. Karman C is an admissions director of the law school who I shared an informal time of worship one night. Ivy is the lone Chinese person in my program besides myself who I bummed rides off of as a pretext to talk to one of my brethren. Sherry is the small sparkplug who will connect me to her sister in DC. These people kept me sane.

Final thought. I have tried to convey my distaste for politics amidst the whirlwind of the erosion of my personal character and the inner turmoil I experienced. I will leave you with a quote from Zacharias that touches on the relationship between morality and politics, emphasis mine.

“Any culture that ultimately anchors its morality in politics reveals both its philosophical bankruptcy and its palpable ignorance of history. ‘Politically correct’ is at best circular—and at worst an oxymoron. Is it not terrifying that we, as a society, have already gone on record that we do not trust the arena of politics because it lends itself to such abuse, and yet we turn around and look to that institution to anchor our values? An Indian proverb says it is like roasting fish and then asking a fox to guard it for us. Morality will always be bent to suit the one whose will is being tested. THAT IS WHY THE CROSS STANDS SUPREME; HERE THE WILL IS SURRENDERED AND TRUTH TRIUMPHS WITH LOVE AND JUSTICE AS ITS HANDMAIDENS.”